I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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