12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
