She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
