I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
