masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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