he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
