im drinking this country out of the recession.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
