okay pat passed out under dana's car
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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