I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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