a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
