fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
