So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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