no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
