trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
