I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
3 2 1 whiskey
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
