last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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