McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
