But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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