I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
