I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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