Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
