how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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