Cold hands, warm shart.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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