Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
