Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
