God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
