everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
