somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i already hear my dad disowning me
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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