In the future we'll all be gay
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
