Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
