New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
