party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
