So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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