Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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