I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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