the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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