Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
