I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
