Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
