Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
