Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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