dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
