**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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