I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Acid is not a monday night drug
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
