Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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