I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
