I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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