yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
