So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
