Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
