he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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