So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
