If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
