Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
