I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
