Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
