well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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