Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm eating all of the evidence.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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