I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
