My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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