They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
