i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
