Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
