so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
