i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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