8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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