Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
