i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
